Life lately has felt a lot like being a hamster on a wheel. It keeps spinning, it never stops, and I feel like I am running as fast as I can without getting anywhere. The editing is piling up. The hospital stays, the ER visits, the specialist appointments, the lab work, the follow ups, the effort it takes just to keep Everett eating enough to stay home and avoid another NG tube until he gets his G tube and port and ear tubes on December second. All of it sits on my shoulders at the same time. I am literally feeding him in his sleep because he will only take an ounce or two while he is awake. It is stressful in a way that only a rare disease parent can understand. His little body relies so much on nourishment and hydration, and we are fighting to keep him stable until his surgery.
As I think about next year and what I should do with my photography business, I find myself asking what needs to change. I have even wondered if I should throw in the towel, although every time that thought appears, I brush it away quickly. And in the middle of all of that, something beautiful came to mind. God has been working in my life for this exact season long before Everett was even here.
A few years ago, something new stirred inside me. I felt a passion for teaching and sharing my love for photography come alive in a way I had never felt before. I was pouring into one on one mentorships, shadowing sessions, video chat question and answer calls, classes at the community college, and courses both in my studio and through online teaching. During that time, people kept telling me that I was giving away too much. That I was sharing my trade secrets and helping people who might eventually take clients from me. But I never felt that fear. I felt peace. I felt God guiding me into a teaching role even though I had no intention of slowing down in my own business.
Then Everett arrived, and everything changed. His diagnosis forced me to lean on a few of those very same photographers I had taught. They held up my business when I could not. And even though I have done my best to adjust since then, these last three months of medical chaos have left me buried under a mountain of editing. Yet as I see my former students posting photos of families I have worked with for years, something incredible happens. I do not feel jealousy or sadness. I see the hand of God.
Here I am trying to figure out how to lighten my own workload without letting my clients down. And so many of them have already found photographers they love through me. Through my mentorships and encouragement. Through me sharing their work. Through me telling them to step forward boldly and build something beautiful in this community. God knew Everett would be born exactly as he is. He knew my business would eventually become heavier than I could carry alone. So He gave me an avenue of relief before I ever needed it. He gave me teaching. He let me help shape the photographers who would one day help fill the gaps I could no longer hold on my own. And I have never been more grateful for His timing.
I am so thankful that my clients are not left confused with that empty feeling of wondering who they can trust for their photos. They are moving on with ease and without regret because I helped create an atmosphere of community and support in our local photography world. And let me be clear. I do not take credit for the success of my students. Their talent, drive, and hard work are what built their businesses. But as I look back over these ten years, I am thankful that I can slow things down with joy and peace instead of bitterness or fear. No hard feelings. No regrets. Just trust in the Lord and a willing heart to follow wherever He leads.
The future is bright. I am not setting my camera down for good. Not even close. But Everett needs his mama right now, and that means a slower season for a while. What a blessing it is to be in this profession with so many kind and supportive people around me.